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16.Dead Vs Alive

Lawyer: My Lord, I sincerely apologize. I seem to have inadvertently omitted a crucial fact from the plaint.

Judge: Omitted? That “crucial fact” appears to have been the only lifeline your case had. I’ve already dismissed it. Your apology is touching — but unfortunately, this can not make the dead case alive.

Lawfing Life of Law, Lawyer and Litigation

Respectfully Ridiculous and Lawfingly submitted

By The Lawfing Lawyer

Advocate Ajay Amitabh Suman,

Patent and Trademark Attorney 

High Court of Delhi

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15.Implementation Vs Presentation

Lawyer 1: I can’t find a single judgment that explains the law perfectly.

Lawyer 2: Relax. Our job is to argue perfectly, not to find perfection.
After that, the judge will apply the law… perfectly, imperfectly, or creatively — depending on lunch, mood, and coffee.

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14.Random Vs Seldom

Lawyer: My Lord, I have seldom found such a judgment—so perfectly befitting to my case.

Judge: That is because lawyers have developed the bad habit of reading judgments randomly… and only the parts that suit them.

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13.Preeti Vs Shruti

Judge: “This petition is filed by Shruti…”

Lady Lawyer: “Apologies, My Lord. Petitioner is Preeti. I am Shruti.”

Judge: “Very well. Kindly exchange names after the order is passed

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12.Full Compliance Vs Partial Compliance

Judge: Mr. Counsel, you say you've complied with my previous order and filed the reply. The court record, however, appears to be blissfully unaware of it. You were granted four weeks. Tell me the exact date you filed it?

Counsel:Today my Lord. There is compliance, albeit partial one.

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11.Golden Days Vs Golden Wives

One lawyer, “Remember those golden days we enjoyed together—before our wives entered and repossessed all the gold?”

The other one, “Yes, and thanks to our golden wives—whom we’ve responsibly left at home—we finally get to relive those ‘golden’ days again.

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10.Positive Vs Negative

One Lawyer: I am not positive in arguing this point.

Another Lawyer:Our Job is to argue.It is judge's call to take it as positively or negatively.

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9.Argument Vs Question 

Judge: Are you ready Me.Counsel?

Lawyer:Yes my Lord ,but not for your questions.

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8.Bill Vs Pill

Patient: Doctor, my lawyer’s bill gave me a heart attack.

Doctor: Then you’re in the wrong clinic — My Pills may fix your heart, not  lawyer’s bill.

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7.Great Vs Greater

One Lawyer: What’s on the cause list today?

Another Lawyer: I have one case to argue.

First Lawyer: That’s great.

Second Lawyer: And you?

First Lawyer: My matter got settled. I just have to collect the decreetal amount.

Second Lawyer: (Eyes widening) Ohhh… that’s not great. That’s greater.

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6.Wait Vs Late

Office Clerk: Bhai, you’re dripping wet. Go change!

Running Clerk: Can’t! If I’m late, boss will file an FIR on me before this file hits the table! 

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5.Profession Vs concession 

One Law Clerk: Sir, this client is showering the legal profession with so much respect today!

Another Clerk: Perhaps he is expecting concession in lawyers fee .

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4.Suppression Vs Instruction

Lawyer: My Lord, the other side has “forgotten” to mention they’ve sued my client in the Bombay High Court.

Opposite Lawyer: No suppression, My Lord. That case has nothing to do with this one.

Judge: Then what is that Mumbai case about?

Opposite Lawyer: My Lord, I’ll need instructions.

First Lawyer: I’ll also take instructions, My Lord.

Judge (smiling): Are you both planning to attend that Mumbai case too?

Both Lawyers: Only after we get instructions, My Lord!

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3.Real Meaning Vs Different Meaning

Lawyer 1 (raising his glass): “This provision has unlimited scope for interpretation… but don’t worry, I’ve cracked its real meaning.”

Lawyer 2 (smirking): “That’s fine, my friend. Let’s just hope the judge doesn’t crack a different meaning tomorrow morning.

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2.Stress Vs De-Stress

A lawyer at the High Court ice cream canteen,

“Please give me one ice cream. I need it to de-stress.”

The Ice Cream  shopkeeper, “Sir, please think twice about stress—I run an ice cream shop and I’m diabetic.”

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1.Body Builder Vs Case Builder

Lawyer 1: “How are you, Mr. Body Builder?”

Lawyer 2: “Fit and fine! And you, Mr. Case Builder?”

Lawyer 1: “Stronger—because cases have more muscle than biceps.”

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